Into the Exo(Force) Dust
Into the Exo(Force)Dust
or
Manifest Destiny
Hildorf and Mildorf, the two red Lego spiders from Jungle Buggy and Jungle Cargo Helicopter sets, respectively, we’re not going gentle into that good night. Too many times they had witnessed the fate of retired Lego sets. For example, take Pharaoh’s Quest set 7307 Flying Mummy Attack. Jake Raines was last seen acting as a greeter at a never finished Lego version of a Wal-Mart Store. The flying mummies, who were a pair of easy- going salt of the earth sort of blokes, were sharing an old shoe box with some disparate toy and mouse droppings. So, along with the statue from Jungle Buggy and the temple and Venus fly trap from Jungle Copter, they decided to get out, while the getting out was good.
Mildorf, who was, conveniently, a girl red spider, shed a large tear. “But where shall we go?”
Not to be undone, Hildorf broke down into uncontrollable bawling. “ How should I know? My part # 401K won’t mature until 2030!”
“ Plants by plants?
“Yes.”
“Me, too. I guess we all got the same e-mail.”
“Well, “ noted Trappan Z., the Venus Fly Trap who acted as Mayor of (ahem) Jungle Land, “ we need some wisdom; perhaps we should seek out a prophet.”
“But Lego doesn’t touch religion. I’ve barely been built twice, myself.” observed the Temple.
“ Hmmm. Wisdom. Prophet. Wisdom. Prophet. Wisdom. Prophet.” chanted Mildorf, over and over again.
“Is that helping?” Inquired Hildorf, curtly.
“ Yes, it is, unless you have some better ideas.”
“ Excuse me, you two. If I might offer a small yet precisely aimed suggestion,” It was the hidden diamond element behind the moving leaf of the Jungle Buggy statue. It spoke softly, with a rather charming lisp.
“WHAT!?!?#%£¥}?” Responded everyone, with a sprinkling of inappropriate epithets which revealed their growing anxiety.
[I will leave out all of the hesitations, uh’s, and er’s, with which the cute little diamond peppered his speech, because printer ink is low. Just imagine them. ]
“ The Emperor of Atlantis is known far and wide for his great wisdom. Or, we could try the Wicked Witch of the West from The Ultimate Batmobile. She’s currently holed up in An Unexpected Gathering Hobbit. House. Of course, that would be an entirely different direction to go in.”
“ And, where might we find this so-called Emperor of Atlantis?” Asked a skeptical Hildorf.
“He resides in Sentei Mountain Fortress. It is set up, under sheets, in Abishai’s old bedroom. ( Abishai was the oldest child of the family, who now resided in Milwaukee.)
“But that’s up two flights, including the perilous spiral staircase where Lego Bionicle Axonn barely escaped from Axonn’s Fall, back in aught eight!” said Jungle Copter Winch, the Town Historian. Of course, they were all already familiar with how Axonn had fallen( or was pushed?) down that spiral staircase, breaking into the mythological thousand pieces. Of his actual 196 pieces, only 193 were recovered. This meant that combination model Botar was never made again, nor were Vezon, and Fenrakk used with Axonn to make the Kardas Dragon. The loss was great. But I digress.
“ There is another way to Sentei Mountain.” said the diamond, whose voice was beginning to cloy.
“ Sentei Mountain Fortress.” corrected Hildorf.
“Where? Or How? Or, whatever?” Asked Mildorf.
“ It is a path also befrought with peril. It is known as the Pit of Death, or, in the Common Tongue, as the Laundry Chute.”
A silent shudder went through the arteries, veins, and capillaries of all present.
“ Climb up the Pit of Death? But how? It’s never been done!”
The Diamond waited a moment, to build suspense.
“Not climb.” Then she looked up at Jungle Copter.
“ Fly. “
“ Whoo Boy.” sighed Jungle Copter. You see, he had never actually flown in the dark. He did not have his instrument rating. “To do that, I’ll need a hand.”
“Wait, “ blurted Hildorf. We can go in style! We can fly there in Destiny’s Bounty!”
“But it’s only half built!”
“All we have to do is read the instructions. At the top corner of each page is a manifest telling us what pieces to use.”
“That’s disgusting,” said everybody. “Legos can’t build Legos. It’s right there in the Frankenstein Clause!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Put down your axes and pitchforks. There is another way.” It was the gold-colored chalice from Jungle Cargo Helicopter who spoke this time.
“I tell of a Castle. It is fierce and foreboding. It is a fortress against the storm of forced retirement. It lies nearby, not across barren deserts, but in yonder family room. It is a large Aldi’s box, originally used to transport pineapples. You will know it by these strange runes: FOR GRANDKIDS.
The gang looked at each other. They could feel their spirits rise. There was something do-able about this plan.
“Well, “ said Hildorf,” any fort in a storm!”
Denouement:
The pieces of Jungle Buggy and Jungle Cargo Helicopter were rather unceremoniously poured into Forgrandkids Castle, along with various pieces from about 14 other sets. All of them had chosen to re-try, rather than re-tire. And, as we all know, Legos from 50 years ago still work with Legos from today. So we have reason to believe that all was well with them, for long to come.
Editor’s note: All Exoforce Mechs were given a Unit Designation in Japanese. So, in that sense, there was another Exoforce Set which could have helped Hildorf and Mildorf. LEGO Set 8112, Battle Arachnoid’s Unit Designation was translated, Red Spider. -Dave