Borkum Riffgrund
Borkum Riffgrund was an indolent Indoraptor who barely knew his right paw from his left. He didn’t know squat about squat, as the saying goes. And, as another saying goes, Borkum was so heavenly minded, that he was no earthly good. But, in Borkum’s case, that was actually quite appropriate, seeing as how he lived in Heaven. At least, that was what Uncle Siggie called Borkum’s mansion home. To it’s human owner, a little girl called Gloria, it was known as Lego Set 75930: Indoraptor Rampage at Lockwood Estate. Gloria was Uncle Siggie’s niece.
Lego Lockwood Estate is a wonderful mansion-style house. It was located on the floor of Gloria’s playroom, squeezed between her Lego Sanctum Sanctorum, and her Lego Creator 3-in- 1 Riverside Houseboat Set. Uncle Siggie was very impressed with Gloria’s set up. He named it, “ The Golden Mile “. He nicknamed Lockwood Estate as, “ Heaven” because he was so impressed by the affluence any resident of that manor would enjoy. Fair to say, Borkum agreed with that antonomasia.
Probably the most distinctive characteristic about Borkum, was that he had no Rampage in him. Behind that scary exterior lay the love of bath bubbles, and candles, and fragrant chai tea. As proof of this, Yankee Candle was his favorite shop in the mall, followed by Lush, and Yogibo.. He had actually named his human owner Gloria, after Gloria Jean’s Coffee Shop. Most toys like to give their owners a special name. He had named Uncle Siggie after everyone’s favorite Siggie, Sigmund Freud. Borkum, himself, considered himself to be a Jungian, with Piaget overtones.
Borkum’s main problem and nemesis in this life was a hybrid minifig named Maisie. What made her a hybrid was that she was actually a Stephanie Friends Mini-doll being used as a Maisie Mini-fig by her owner, the one known as Gloria.
The original Maisie minifig from the Indoraptor Rampage at Lockwood Estate Set now resided in the family garden pond. An 11 year old neighbor named Frida Kahlo ( not her real name; Borkum thought there was a resemblance)) had thrown it into the pond on behalf of the rooftop minifigure launch function in the roof of the Sanctum Sanctorum Showdown Set. She thought that it would be funny if Maisie was launched so far that the mini-fig went out the window, and into the back yard. She also felt compelled to demonstrate this theory to Gloria. Gloria semi-agreed, but entertained second thoughts about the project when Frida ran outside and tossed Maisie into the pond. Maisie the Mini-fig drank deeply of that drink, and then, rather unceremoniously, sank.
Many attempts were made to find poor Maisie, by many parents, mostly with the nets used to fish goldfish out of fish tanks.All efforts failed, up to Present Day.
The end result was that, after a conference between all involved parents, it was decided that Frida Kahlo would, in an act of good faith, donate one of her own Lego Friends mini-dolls, which was all that she owned. The Cause she donated to was double-sided: on one side, Help Gloria Feel Better. On side two, To Help You Think About What You Have Done. The peace offering which Frida Kahlo chose was Stephanie from Stephanie’s Pool Pod. Frida Kahlo insisted on keeping the pod and it’s contents. However, she was convinced to be a little more generous; so, ironically, she also threw in Stephanie’s green swimming flippers from that Pod Set.
Under this new regime, life turned a dark page for poor Bork. The new Stephanie- Maisie began a constant Campaign of Annoyance against poor Borkum, who really only wanted to lollygag about, mostly watching daytime tv. In the hands of Frida, Stephanie- Maisie began a heartless reign of terror.
Stephanie- Maisie would announce,”Poke!”, and do just that to the hapless Indoraptor. Borkum possessed a very tender tummy. Frida came over to Gloria’s a lot, now that she had an investment there at Lockwood Estate.
Finally, one day, things came to a head. Borkum could hear Stephanisey, as he called her, reconfiguring the configureable walls. She was on another one of her rampages. Much has been written about whether it is advisable to mix Friends mini-dolls with non-Friends Sets. Borkum had formulated his own conclusions on the subject.
Riffgrund had no choice but to hightail it out of the third floor bedroom. Yes, his high tail did accidentally knock over the Maisie/ Stephanie hybrid, as they met in the hallway. This gave Borkum the chance to hide in the laboratory. She found him, and pinched his tender little nose. He ran. Have you ever seen a Lego Indoraptor run? It’s not a pretty sight. Bork kicked the laboratory triceratops skull by mistake in his bumbling haste. The skull struck a glancing blow off of Stephanisey’s forehead. Enraged, Stephanisey took off her green flippers. Now she meant business.
Desparate, Borkum Riffgrund hid under the Lockwood Estate’s collapsible roof. Or, tried to. Blue was hiding there.
Borkum looked up. Stephanisey was charging right at him, deftly walking along the spine of the rooftop. She wielded an auction hammer in one mini doll hand, and a tranquilizer gun in the other. Borkum produced an umbrella and engaged in a sword fight. But he was no match for Stephanisey’s cruel and unrelenting Botta Secreta.
Stephanisey’s auction hammer found it’s mark. Borkum went tumbling down, down, down, into some sort of bottomless pit of Lego. He thought that he had became part of some swirling Lego storm.
What really happened was that he landed in a 40 gallon Rubbermaid container full of Lego. The storm began when Frida unadvisedly turned the whole container upside down.
The Indoraptor miraculously landed, right side up, in the back of Gloria’s new Technic Getaway Truck. Frida manipulated Stephanisey to pull the pull back truck back, and maliciously let it go. And, off he went: careening straight into the leg of the Albert Paley coffee table. Borkum bounced out, tail over claws, and slid way under the big green couch.
When he opened his eyes in the half light of under-couch dust bunnies, he found himself face to face with the real Maisie minifig!
“ Maisie! “ exclaimed Borkum. The next thing he tried to say did not come out, because Maisie’s minifig hand was jammed down his throat.
“Quiet!” She commanded. He nodded his head in obedience, and looked around. There was a tv, revolving chair, lamp, and kitchen, all from the Riverside Houseboat.
Maisie smiled.
“Welcome to Heaven,” she said. “ Could I interest you in a spot of chai?”
Featuring:
1.LEGO Set 75930: Indoraptor Rampage at Lockwood Estate
2.LEGO Set 76108: Sanctum Sanctorum Showdown
3.LEGO Set 31093: Riverside Houseboat
4. LEGO Set 853778: Stephanie’s Pool Pod
5. LEGO Set 42090: Getaway Truck